Wednesday, December 16, 2015
About the hook:
‘Today you raged at me in a café and I felt myself shut down. It was like being verbally hit over and over again. The whole thing is too hard. It’s not one thing, it’s one hundred. I can’t do this anymore, it’s dragging me under. I want to find the me I used to be. I wish I had never let you back in.’
Are you in love with the idea of who you thought he was, hoping he will return to the man from the beginning? That’s the mistake I made and I lost years of my life because of it.
Unfortunately I was in love with the fairytale man. Not the selfish, neglectful, narcissistic personality he really was. I was in love with the idea of my very own Prince Charming, with me cast as his Cinderella. Throughout the relationship I held on to that romantic fantasy, hoping and praying that he would turn back into my dream man from the beginning. But that’s all it was – a fantasy. He simply read me like a book and acted out the role of who I wanted him to be, at least to begin with. Once his mask came off completely I was to discover that my Prince Charming was about as charming as a saber-toothed tiger...
End of the Fairytale is the second part of the Love Games Series and picks up where Planet Ben left off. It is a day to day journal written over the remainder of my relationship through to the ultimate end and shows my subsequent slide from a strong, confident woman to a traumatized emotional wreck; a person I could barely recognize. By the final final breakup, I was worn out on every level. Yet I have nobody to blame but myself because I am the one who allowed him to suck, or hoover me back in.
If you are aware he is a narcissist but struggling to accept it or let him go, perhaps you’ve broken up and he’s hooked you back in again, then this true story, where I made the mistake of taking Ben back once I was almost free, will help you to see the similarities in your own relationship. In order to fully break the pattern, you need to not only understand the narcissist’s personality traits but also your own. It is not something in you that causes him to constantly criticize, punish and with-hold love, it is something in him. However it is equally your problem because it is something in you that allows him to do it. Told in real time with verbatim journal entries, the End of the Fairytale will reflect your own situation and show you why there can be No Contact and no going back, because the narcissist will never change.
I read the first 4/5ths of the book on my kindle and finished the last part with the kindle app reading the book to me while I was driving on a trip. The back and forth emotional struggles the author faced were honest and realistically written, yet a bit tedious to read because she was "going to see him one last time" about a hundred times. Since this is non-fiction, my guess is that the book was made as palatable to the reader as possible, so the real back and forth would probably have been even more difficult to read.
It's very human to keep trying and not give up on someone. How many of us have said, "just one more time and this time I'll make it work" in a relationship that you knew in your gut was going bad early on? The longer you stay in the relationship the harder it is to get out of because you have invested so much time and so much of your heart into this person. One reason you kept trying is you believed your love would heal the man's broken life and he would turn in the man you know he has the potential to be. Living with the constant disappointment can be very taxing on the heart and the body. The stress of not knowing where you stand can make you physically stick. Every time you make up your mind to say "the end" he warms up and becomes the man you knew he could be, but once he is assured of your commitment, he goes back to the dark side. The author relayed this all very well. Her writing style is very easy to read.
I found the ending a bit funny. To read it with your eyes is one thing, but to here the kindle actually say "done, done, done" a thousand times is crazy sounding. Anyway, I would recommend this book to anyway who feels indecisive and stuck in a relationship that is unhealthy. If nothing else, it will make you feel less insecure and will normalize some of the process for the reader. Also, writing about your angst in a journal is a great way to express your frustration and not hold it in. Then you can go back and remind yourself as to why you were getting out of the bad relationship. That's great advice.
You can get a copy for your kindle HERE.